• It's Here!!!

     

    Ahhh. It’s here. I’ve been splitting my time watching the Phillies game, some Italian Serie A soccer and Utah kicking the living crap out of Michigan. But the headlines do not lie, college football started today, for reals.

    So you may be asking yourself “where is the SEC preview”? Here it is…

    Contender: Georgia Bulldogs
    They’re good

    Dark Horse: Every other team in the SEC
    They’re also good

    Bada Bing, Bada Boom.

    Now let’s get to some updates:

    V Tech? unbelievable! I guess every year we can pretty much guarantee a high seed getting knocked off by an unranked, shitty team. So welcome to the club East Carolina Pirates. In fact that is a little unfair to the Pirates, they did smoke 22nd-ranked Boise State in last year’s Hawaii Bowl 41-38 (you all remember that right?). Anyway Beamer gets a taste of his own medicine as TJ Lee blocked at Tech punt and ran it back for a TD with less than 2 minutes left. Not only that but V Tech also blocked a kick, so East Carolina snapped a V Tech 17-game winning streak in which they have blocked a kick. Also Hokie fans better be shook because QB Sean Glennon crapped the bed big time, throwing two picks and no TDs and it never helps when you get less than 100 yards combined from your two running backs, jeepers!

    The only other real shocker from the early scoreboards across the league was the thumping Paterno’s boys, or shall I say malcontents, laid on Coastal Carolina this afternoon, 66-10 is embarrassing. The Penn State Prison Crew did it mostly on the ground today scoring 8 times on the ground and that is a lot. Cograts on Paterno on tying god, aka Bobby Bowden, in all time victories with 373, again congradulations to a class coach of a classless team.

    We got the BIG game tonight, Clemson-Bama for you uninformed. I like Clemson to win but I don’t see them covering the spread, which I hear is set at five. Anyway enjoy the rest of the day.


  • And The Fourth Day Was Put Aside for thy PAC-10 Preview

     

    Sorry about the delay folks. I know all you PAC 10 fans have been chomping at the bit to get a taste of my conference preview and I have let you sunbathed freaks down. But you see up here, in Canada, we don’t have summer all year. So as the sun creeps out so do I. Yes, beers on patios, beers on rooftops, beers on stoops and even beers on cars have been my downfall to the people who love the PAC 10. But this is Canada and as the August frost rolls in and the college pigskin game quickly approaches more work can be done and that work is this week’s PAC 10 preview…


    THE CONTENDER: University of Southern California

    Another year, another high pre-season ranking for the Condoms of USC. The difference between this year and the past 6 seasons is that the Trojans will face a much tougher schedule than in the past. USC gets 2 non-conference games at the beginning of the season and in the past they have played some pretty weak games, 2 years ago they pounded the bejesus out of Arkansas to the tune of 50-14. This year, however, their opening tilt is against Virginia and then September 13th they get Ohio State in the earliest bowl game you will ever see.
    Things might seem great for USC. A cornucopia of running backs (6 to be precise) and everybody’s favorite quarterback Mark “dirty” Sanchez is expected to thrive with a team that respects him, sorry Vikings but John David Booty is your problem now. BUT things may already be going downhill for this school so full of preppy, beautiful, rich, tanned, blonde Southern Californians. It seems that sophomore RB Joe “don’t call me Bryan” McKnight has had a little bit of a injury problem. Most recently he has been sidelined with a hyper-extended elbow, last time it was a teammate slamming a door on his hand, before that it was a “skin irritation” (that sounds suspiciously like the Crabs to me). McKnight’s questionable hook ups aside his health will be an issue as Pete Carroll hinted that McKnight was in position to be “the guy” this year at USC.
    Let’s just hope Jim Harbaugh and the Stanford Cardinal hang a loss on USC again this year…Us real football fans KNOW Harbaugh has paid more than his share of dues


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5KbknGJEWc&feature=related
    (sorry for the link but the jerk off who posted this diabled embedding)


    DARK HORSE: University of Oregon

    Arizona State probably has the best shot at winning the conference if USC screws the pooch but the Ducks are gamers and always like to surprise. Nate Costa, the name to know for Ducks fans, will take over QB duties for Dennis Dixon. Last year the Ducks success was due to the play of Dixon, who got injured towards the end of the season and now much of the Ducks hopes rely on Costa, who did not attempt a pass last season. The Ducks run a great spread offense so Costa’s health will be a big question mark for the Ducks, especially after he sustained a knee injury in practice a little while ago. Their other quarterback, Justin Roper, played a phenomenal game against the University of South Florida in the Sun Bowl last year (17-30, 180 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs) but his lack of mobility could slow the Ducks down. It doesn’t really matter who is throwing the ball when you have a guy like Jaison Williams catching it. Williams is one of the best receivers in the country and at 6’5 and 240 he is a truck-load to take down. This is his senior season so if Costa’s knee injury isn’t severe and Williams can build on his previous 3 years the Ducks offense will post up big numbers on opponents. All that and a favorable schedule could get Oregon into the BCS clusterf**k at the end of the season.

    and now since I was a little light on the audio visual portion of the preview here are some pics of girls who go to USC...mmmm


    I would love to have been that guy


    Dear California, I hate you
    sincerely, Andrew Webster


    SEC preview coming when I damn well feel like it, stay tuned!



    Warren said on August 24, 2008 09:01 PM

    Hey dumb ass, the top picture are chicks at Florida State.

    Go Pac 10. Go Ducks.

    Filed under: ,

  • And on the third day HE made the Big 12 preview and thy said "Yee Haw!"

    BIG 12 PREVIEW

    So probably the best conference in college football this season is the Big 12. I really don't count the SEC because those teams are more of elite killing machines than football squads. Anyway the Big 12 put out some HUGE surprises last season; Missouri and Kansas' incredible improbable runs in conference, the size of Mark Mangino's pants (really you can buy a size 52?) and of course, OSU coach Mike Gundy's allegation that he is in fact a man.

     

    But this season could be different. Let us take a gander at the contender and the dark horse that I believe can win the division of 10 gallon hats, four-hour church services and chicken fried steak. Mmm…chicken fried steak.

    CONTENDER: Oklahoma University

    This one is the ultimate no-brainer. The Sooners have basically already won the conference. The Longhorns pose no serious threat because Mack Brown cannot beat the Sooners, ever. Oklahoma State and Texas Tech will be intriguing teams to follow this season. But really the boys from Norman are the class of the conference, if not the nation. They return basically their entire offensive line, which was the best in the country last year and is anchored by guard Duke Robinson. And really any player named “Duke” or “The Duke” has got to be pretty serious. Oklahoma, offensively has zero holes. A great quarterback, a deadly running back in DeMarco Murray (really fast in his lateral movements but doesn’t look to run people over like Adrian “Purple Jesus” Peterson did) and one of the best receiving recruits in recent memory, Josh Jarboe.

    DARK HORSE: Missouri

    Yes I know that Mizzou is ranked 7th in the USA today poll, I don’t care. They are my dark horse. This is a team that returns their Heisman calibre quarterback Chase Daniels and an offence that makes the field sizzle and a very tight defence. They even have my favourite college football name this season so far in Stryker Sulak and Mizzou plays Illinois and Juice Williams in the first game of the season on August 30th. That and their last game of the season against the upstart Kansas Jayhawks will be important bookends for the Tigers' BCS hopes. I guess we know who this kid is rooting for...


  • Florida Gator Out For Season, Not Crime Related

    SEC players, and for that matter most college football players, are being rounded up by police like this scene from Planet of the Apes:

    But today news hit that the Gators have lost tight end Cornelius Ingram, not due to some kind of penile infraction BUT thanks to season-ending surgery he will have on his ACL.

    We wish Cornelius the swiftest of recoveries as Tim Tebow has lost another down field target that he will ignore in favour of running the ball his damn self. Last year Ingram racked up 508 yards receiving and brought in 7 TDs.

    Wait! Wasn't one of those talking apes who helped Charlton Heston named Cornelius???

    Yes, yes he was.

    I swear that Big 12 preview is in the works. Enjoy the weekend kids.


  • And on the second day THOU gave us a BIG 10 preview and said it is good

    Let’s not pull any punches or have any bones about it, I hate the Big 10. It’s boring, slow, over-coached football. The only reason why this conference has any relevance is because a bunch of rich, white, baby boomers went there in the late 60s and early 70s and now continue to pump money into their alma maters’ sports programs. So the Big 10 gets its own television station and way too much respect in the BCS and college football in general. Maybe Rich Rodriguez and the spread offence can fix the problem, but that will take time. And now with that off my chest, let’s get on with it.


    THE CONTENDER: Ohio State

    This one is probably the most obvious contender to take a major conference this year. The hype surrounding this team is probably justified. The Buckeyes return their major “stars” (stars in parenthesis because no team that gets beat that bad in two consecutive national championship games deserves to call their players stars). Chris “Beenie” Wells was absolutely sick running the rock last year and this year will determine if he goes into the draft next year but Chris, come on, enough with the nicknames just go with Chris, there can only be one Beenie:

    The big surprise of this year’s team was the return of James Laurinaitis, who many had pegged for this past NFL draft. Laurinaitis, it’s been well publicized, is the son of WWE legend Animal of the Legion of Doom. I guess the rest of the Big 10 will need to start looking into if the Bushwhackers ever reproduced:

    Ohio State will get the benefit of the doubt this year, as many Big 10 schools seem to do come BCS computing time. It’s pretty unlikely that any college team will go undefeated this year (prove me wrong Florida State, prove me wrong) and if Ohio State keeps their losses at two games or under this season there is a big chance this team will lose their third national championship in a row. Their big trap game is, of course, Youngstown State. They could be this year’s Appalachian State.

    THE DARK HORSE: Illinois

    While I would like to possess the stones to pick Penn State as a comeback story this year (because well it’s not really a “feel good” story if this team succeeds, sorry Pam and Jim Yackomovitch!). The PSU team seems to be made up of the kids from Lord of The Flies, but all grown up and playing football. I would also like to go with the sexy pick in the Big 10, the Wisconsin Badgers, but Badgers!?!?!?

    So I will take the team that swept me off my feet last year, The Fightin’ Illini. Sure they've lost Rashard Mendenhall to the NFL and their quarterback was their second leading rusher last year but keep an eye on sophomore Troy Pollard. Pollard has the potential do some damage this year, he can break tackles and has great lateral speed. The kid played high school in Florida in 2006 so probably against better talent than he will see in the Big 10 this year. If you don’t believe me have a load of this:

    Defensively Illinois lost two great linebackers in Jeremy Leman (to the NFL) and Antionio Steele (to real life I assume), the top-two tacklers last year. However this a deep team at that position and the Illini defence shouldn’t lose too much of a step. Now I’m not saying that the Illini can win the whole damn thing this year BUT in a conference built on slower paced football a Ron Zook-run team can provide excitement and numbers in the W column.

    Next few days we’ll head down south and take a peek at the Big 12. Get your cowboy hats ready folks.