Dear QBs coming back to school,

My name is Andrew Webster and I head the Church of Keith Jackson, a humble yet informed college football blog. I did not play collegiate football (thanks Dalhousie) and certainly never played quarterback. While I cannot relate to you on that level I feel that I have grown to know a number of you over the past few years. Being your elder, I feel that my seasoned knowledge may help you in life, hopefully (boomer) sooner than later. 

See, I spent all four years in university. It was great. I loved it. I got every ounce out of college life as I possibly could. I know that you guys want to do the same, probably more seeing how you are the starting quarterback at your respective school. You guys must see more poon tang than Barry White. But all of you are making a HUGE mistake. Timmy, Sammy and Colty you guys are going to get screwed in the long run, and not in a good way. 

You see being the starting quarterback at a major college football program is a sweet deal. Influence on campus, unadulterated worship (in the case of Tim Tebow; holy worship) and, most importantly, poon over the moon. Co-eds lined up son. A take your pick, buffet style, pick and pop, army of tanned legs and hungry eyes. Let's face it, why else become a quarterback? So you can have some 350 lb. defensive lineman give you a spinal contusion? 

BUT, there is something out there that is a far greater aphrodisiac than the varsity letter on your jacket gentlemen, and that is the cold cash money; the greatest of all panty droppers (even better than gin!). Stay with me here, I know you guys only have three years of school so I'll try and keep this on your level. Look at these guys:

I mean look at these dudes, all frat boys at heart, maybe not the greatest looking bros on the planet BUT they're bringing in the goods. And why? You ask yourself. Because of the money. I mean really, do you think the ladies of the night would be going after Benny Roethlisberger if the guy was still getting student loans and calling home to mom for a little more cash for "books?" Hell no. Sure they may all be quarterbacks and Ben did win the Super Bowl but you never know when injury, or some other tragedy, might strike. This is a dog eat dog world and the life of an injured college quarterback who never makes the pros because of a blown-out knee never seems to be that fun (from what the movies tell me). 

So Timmy, Sammy and Colty I'm sure what you have done for your schools is respected on campus but we are living in an economic crisis and giving up the multi-million dollar payouts you guys would have gotten, pretty much guaranteed, makes you selfish (or a hell of a cooze hound). It's also a sad day when the smartest among all of the quarterbacks of the 2008 turned out to be this guy.

Mark "Dirty" Sanchez 

Thank you for your time gentlemen. Have a good senior year. I hope it's worth it.

A Webster

Church of Keith Jackson