Last week's incident at a Hooters in North Carolina, where he was reportedly arrested and thrown in the drunk tank for passing out? It's all a big misunderstanding, says John Daly.

"When I'm tired," he tells Golf.com, "I sleep with my eyes open." Daly passed out in his private bus, and, according to his version of events, when the driver saw him passed out with his eyes open, he thought he was dead and called police. Hilarity, naturally, ensued.

Hilarity being the police showing up, finding Daly intoxicated (and uncooperative), telling him that he needed someone sober to take him anywhere, taking him into custody, finding an orange jumpsuit in XXXXL, taking his picture, and then putting his picture on the internet.

Ho ho ho! Good times!

Daly claims that he was no longer shittered intoxicated by the time the picture was taken. "The picture looks like I'm drunk,'' he said. "I wasn't drunk when they took the picture. The picture people are seeing is me half-asleep.'' He also fears that he'll lose his sponsorship with Hooters:

"The world perceives that I passed out at Hooters, that I was thrown out at Hooters,'' he said. "I was asleep on the bus. I didn't pass out at Hooters. I've never had an incident at Hooters. I hate that their name is brought into it this way. They'll probably have to terminate me because of the negative publicity.''

That partnership is too perfect to end like this! So let me just say, for the record, that John Daly is awesome, and if I owned a wing house dedicated to objectifying women, I would be proud to have him pass out in a bus in my parking lot... or on the lawn... or at the bar... or, well, anywhere, frankly. His choice. Because he's awesome.

I mean... uh... obviously...