Obligatory Sports Babe
Today's obligatory sports babe is this random Miami Dolphin's cheerleader. It is technically newsworthy, because the Dolphins allowed access to their cheerleaders' locker room to some douche bag magazine called VMan, which supposedly costs $125 an issue (see... I wasn't kidding), yet didn't even publish anything NSFW. WTF? (Still... not bad, for a douche magazine.)
From the Awesome Name File
This kid actually had his name legally changed to Captain Fantastic Faster than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk and the Flash Combined. Seriously?!?!? I mean, the name is awesome, but, uh ... Spiderman ahead of Batman???
Please Make This Happen!
Val Kilmer contemplates running for governor of New Mexico. Val Kilmer contemplates running for governor of New Mexico. What? Sorry. I just had to write that twice, because it's so extremely rare that one gets an opportunity to type out a combination of words so utterly stupid.
Never Change, Kenyon Martin's Sense of What's Not Shockingly Ridiculous
Kenyon Martin has added a new ridiculous tattoo (redundant?) to his collection of ridiculous tattoos.
The Case Against Chris Mullin
Apparently things aren't going so well in Golden State Warrior land. At least... according to this guy who covers the Sacramento Kings???
Ashton Doucher: The Nickname Even Kids Find Painfully Obvious
Apparently the annoying actor turned annoying douche with no acting career (though I've been told that his movie with Kevin Costner, the Guardian-- or as I prefer, Kutcher-Costner-- is full of unintended hilarity) has been provoking the ire of some high school football kids lately, by taking on a job as their assistant coach. Why? I don't know. But what I do know is that the kids have had the only natural human reaction possible to this idiot: they hate him.
Why Does Alex Burrows' Hate Pierre-Marc Bouchard
Nobody seems to quite be able to put their finger on it.
Wanderlei Silva: Spokesman
People want to make like it's some big joke that there's this Brazilian commercial with Wanderlei Silva shilling toilet paper, but I guarantee you that man takes some gigantic shits, so he probably knows a thing or two about the subject.