Oh... hey. Uh, yeah, it's me. Yeah, I said it. I'm the douche. And I'd love to see the Canadian entry to TSN's Young Boy Hockey Championships (TM) lose tonight's gold medal game against Sweden. I'd lurrrrrve it. I'd luff it.
There are several reasons I feel this way, and not all of them involve hoping that Pierre McGuire will finally break down and lick the salty tears from the cheeks of his heartbroken young boys.
They don't all even involve the fact that this is a tournament that two years ago actually managed glorify Steve fucking Downie.
It doesn't have to do with the middle-aged idiots in the crowd who will actually jaw at eighteen-year-olds when they take dumb penalties that you would exactly expect eighteen-year-olds to take, or treat Canada's opponents like any player in the NHL, not kids.
It's not that I cringe every time we're told it's only Canadians who play with grit and heart. And it's not even some kind of anti-patriotic reflex that's been well-conditioned by a lifetime of living adjacent to the land of uber-patriotic mutant-people.
Well, OK. It's kind of those things-- plus the fact that I find a twisted comfort in people being disappointed by sports (I am, after all, a fan of Dutch football, the Toronto Blue Jays, Raptors, sometimes the Maple Leafs (maybe?), and the Buffalo Bills)-- but it's mostly that... holy shit, we are the Evil Empire here! The coaching, the leagues, the facilities, the sheer number of kids playing... of fucking course we should win this thing. Jesus, it's like we're losing our shit for the Dream Team pummelling the fuck out of Angola.
Alright, maybe not quite. Russia, Sweden and the USA have good teams-- I know. It's just, we're basically the only country that watches, or even cares about this tournament. So... isn't it all kind of just one giant wank? I can't be the only one here who thinks this, can I? Not to take away from the accomplishment of McGuire's Young Boys, but no shit we're good at junior hockey. No shit we have a shit-ton of elite junior players.
I've been watching these games with my pro-Canada friends and every time, over the course of a period or two find that I've secretly started cheering for Canada to lose (Damn you Defencemanov for letting Tavaras' last-second puck make it through to Eberle!). I just can't get myself in line for that grand inevitable hand job, I guess. So, well... fuck it. I'm with Sweden on this one (sorry everybody), and I tell you what, the disappointment is going to be fucking great.