Not sure if you've heard this yet, but Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps was recently caught hitting the bong. Oh yeah, there he is. Right there. Again.
You may not be aware of this, but Phelps is one of many athletes who have joined the community at Twitter. His Twitter I.D. is, surprisingly enough, Michael_Phelps. I checked out his history to see if I could find any evidence of him Tweeting while out of his gourd. This is what I came up with:
January 27th at 12:52 PM:
@ricksanchezcnn I'm watching you on TV now! :)
Sending Twitter messages to people he's watching on TV? Being able to actually tolerate Rick Sanchez? I didn't want to believe it, but he's clearly out of his skull here. I can think of no other reasonable explanation for such delusional behaviour.
December 4th at 7:16 AM:
... Sweet Caroline .... BA BA BA !!! .
A message like this at 7:16 AM should say to anyone with half a brain that somebody's been out all night with his fucking doper friends being a bunch of fucking dopers. Nobody listens to Neil Diamond so soon after they wake up! It's impossible! Once I tried to put on Jonathan Livingston Seagull before noon and my record player turned to dust-- true story.
And the inconsistent punctuation? Classic doper.
November 9th at 1:07 PM:
"AMERICA, YES YOU CAN!"
This seems innocuous enough... until you re member that the election was on November Fourth!!! Whoa, man. You totally spaced on the election, dude!
September 23rd at 10:44 AM:
Take it eaaaaaaaaaaasy!!
Kinda left your finger on the "a" key a little long there, didja? OK, sure... this could be a reference to "Slow Ride" or the Eagles, but might I submit to you that no 23-year-old is listening to Foghat without first ingesting copious amounts of drugs.
September 22nd at 9:23 AM:
Dr. McSwimmy is thanking everyone for their kind words!
Uh... "Dr. McSwimmy"? This is precisely the kind of shitty nickname someone who gets high because it makes them "creative" would think up, and then completely forget about before spending six hours on the couch eating saltines and watching cartoons.
September 17th at 4:34 PM:
@Dane_Cook Can't wait to see it Dane!
Dane Cook? Dane Cook can blow me, so I'm not scouring the web for references to Dane Cook being a stoner-- I'll just go ahead and assume these two are giant dopers and that most likely Phelps gave Cook a super at some party, and now Cook has got some fancy-ass cannon of a honey blunt or something to give him in return.
September 17th at 8:13 AM:
Relaaxxxxxxxxxxing for a bit. Listening to my ipod...and by the way, Yes I'm still single and it's an 8800.
Yo guy! I totally I just went for a wake and bake and now I ... I, uh... I totally don't know what's going on. Uhm. What was I saying? Oh yeah, have you seen my new iPod? The music, like, plays... uh... it's an 8800. It's new. It's like, totally wicked, guy. I just got it.
September 15th at 6:12 AM:
is having a "Michael Phelps" breakfast! lol. Thank you everyone for your support and kinds words! SNL was a blast!
Recipe: 4 Pizza Pops, 1L Chocolate Milk, 2 Kraft Singles, 3 Bowls of Fruit Loops, 2 Hemp Beers, 1 Toke of Salvia, 16 Crackers (any type), 4 Cups of Coffee, 1 Orange Juice, 1 Box of Individually-Wrapped Mini Twix (placed next to the couch for eating during commercials and in between Sally Jessy and Montel).
September 11th at 11:51 AM:
is Remembering the victims of 9/11 - Never forgotten.
High as a kite, everybody! Goofballs!